Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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