I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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