It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
