I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
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just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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