dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
