I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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