fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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