just tell him i said nine months
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
