Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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