we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
