ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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