it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
