I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
