Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
