When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
