i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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