I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
ugly people sure do ruin things
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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