Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize