So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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