Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My pussy is not your playground.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
