i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
