happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
