i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
