yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
