dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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