Midget sex pt 2 tonight
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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