You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.