Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
