last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.