do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
