I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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