When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize