Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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