quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
