if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
smell my finger.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Randomize
