I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am available for nakedness
there is glitter all over my balls
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