Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
