Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
