he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
