The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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