What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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