He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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