Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
