you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
