life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
