The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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