I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
