she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
