hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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