this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize