I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
