so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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