god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
