Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
