these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
