But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
