she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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