God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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