I don't think brook has ever known best
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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