get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
