I think my fart just growled at me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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