Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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