To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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