I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
