I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
