Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
