She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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