ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
