Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
