I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
