hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have post one night stand depression
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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