my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
