I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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