I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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