I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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