youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
