Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
