Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
