this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
