My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
