last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
