Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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