New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
