if you like me you must not know who I am
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
thus making me awesome and them whores
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
