Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is Oprah even human
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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