My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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