I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
