hotel room ftw
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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