No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You need a sexual gate keeper
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
